One year and 80 lbs ago...

Top pictures are October 2011.  Bottom pictures were taken yesterday.

As mentioned in my last post, I've been having a hard time losing weigh lately but looking at these pictures from last year have inspired me.  If I can make this much progress in less than a year (10 months), imagine what next year's zoo Halloween pictures can look like!  I know it won't be as drastic of a change since I'm so much closer to my goal but I still want to be amazed at how good I can look next year.  So look for a new collage of these photos next October!

I thought today would be an awesome day with my renewed dedication but I did make some not-so-great decisions regarding food today.

What I did wrong:  I went grocery shopping at lunch time on an empty stomach.  By the time I got home I was starving, couldn't decide between leftover pizza (2 big slices) and sushi, so I ate both. Fail.  Later my sister and brother-in-law were here for a visit and I couldn't resist the coconut cream pie my mom had brought home and had a generous portion of that too.  Then I took a 2 hour nap with my son.

What I did right: I somewhat saved the day by doing a 3+ mi run. at 6:00 pm.  And I drank about 80 oz. of water already today.  And I tracked all the horrible things I ate the best I could on MyFitnessPal.  The end result being that I'm only about 200 calories over my goal (based on my best guesses).  So the day wasn't a total wash.  It feels good to be accountable to myself again.  I'm hoping to make even better decisions tomorrow.

I'm so ready to get off these last 32(ish) pounds!  My 28th birthday is 5 months from yesterday and I'd love to do it by then but I'm starting to accept that it might take a bit longer.  Maybe I should change my goal date to May, when I will also graduate from my MAT program.  I guess it will just take however long it takes though and it almost doesn't matter as long as I keep moving in the right direction.

One day at a time.
Never give up.

Struggling.

It's been over 2 months since I posted.  I guess I'm not really sure what to write about most of the time.  There's nothing terribly exciting to report.  I've now reached the 10 month mark of weight loss and my total is only about 80 lbs.  I'm finally back to/below my pre-pregnancy weight, which is my lowest adult weight so far.  But I keep fluctuating and I'm really struggling with both diet and making the time and finding the energy/drive/motivation/enthusiasm to work out like I was.  My first 5K is one week from tomorrow so that has definitely kept me going but I still don't feel fully prepared for that.  I do think I'll be able to make my modest goal of finishing without walking in under 40 minutes, although I can't say I'd be completely shocked if I didn't.

So besides struggling with the weight loss and running, I'm definitely also struggling with this new being single thing.  I thought I was ready to date and get the show on the road.  Then I actually went out on a date and realized I definitely was not ready.  As cliche as it probably sounds for a single mom, I just don't have the time for it.  Those who told me I should just focus on school and getting my life in order were definitely right. I'm ready to do just that.  I will NOT be actively looking for anyone for a long while.  My ex has already moved on to someone new and that makes it a little harder at times for some reason.  And I'm also finding myself remembering the good times we had and that doesn't help much either.  I've joined a divorce support group and I'm hoping that will help me through this transition - and help me get to a point where I'm really okay with being single.

I think the thing I'm struggling the most with is trying to figure out how to be hopeful for the future.  More than anything I want to have more children (or at least one) and I want to have them with someone who will be excited, supportive, involved, and loving in the whole creation and raising of them. But I feel like the likelihood of that happening isn't that great now.  While I am by no means approaching "advanced maternal age", I do feel like the sands in that hourglass are definitely falling faster than I'm comfortable with and I could have unforeseen fertility issues down the road.  And I just have a sense that I won't find the "right" person before that clock runs out. This is proving to be one of the biggest challenges for me as these thoughts and concerns are never far from the front of my mind and I'm not quite sure how to overcome this and hang on to some glimmer of hope that I will someday get the family I've always dreamed of.

Take Two

Literally the night that I started this blog I got a call from my soon-to-be ex and a drama-filled couple of days and stress-filled month followed.  Needless to say, blogging was not a priority at the time.

The good news is that things have settled down and seem to be going in the right direction now.  I have finished my summer semester classes and have 3 weeks until I go back to class.  And my weight loss has finally started moving in the right direction again too, albeit slowly.

I've turned my musings about training for a 5K into action and have signed up for my first race on October 19th!  I'm in week two of loosely following this training plan. I'm such a slow runner jogger.  My goal is to try to work up to being able to run entirely at 5.0 mph on the treadmill.  My goal for the 5K is to try to finish the race in under 40 minutes without walking at all.  I'm not entirely sure that's a realistic goal but I think it is.  A few days ago I actually jogged my first 5K distance ever and did it outside! But it took me 50 minutes.

So today marks 8 months since the beginning of my weight loss efforts and my total loss so far, as of this morning, is 71.4 lbs.  I've come to accept that the days of losing 10 lbs per month are definitely over.  I knew it had to slow down at some point and I think I'm okay with it now.  I've gotten out of the 200's and am slowly making my way through the 190's.

Weight loss stats:
Starting weight 12/11: 266 lbs
8 Month weigh in: 194.6 lbs
Pounds lost: 71.4 lbs
Goal weight: 152 lbs
Pounds to goal: 42.6 lbs

Only 10 more pounds and I will be back at my pre-pregnancy weight, which is also my lowest adult weight ever! So I can't wait to get past 185!

I've also become a dedicated MyFitnessPal user so if you want to follow me on there feel free to look me up.  My MFP name is VDRsMom.

Gym Rat

Yesterday I returned to the YMCA for my first workout after about 8 days of excuses and not making the time for exercise.  Lately I've been finding it very difficult to convince myself, or to actually be able to work out at home.  And honestly, I just prefer going to the gym.  I need a group class to really get me going.  If I could do one group class every day I'd be golden!  But that's not realistic either.

Yesterday I did an afternoon Step class and about 20 minutes of the Core class after.  This evening I did Muscle Definition and a 30 minute Quick Spin.  Tomorrow I'm planning on going to Cardio Blast in the morning - provided I'm able to move in the morning.  Muscle Def was a killer and I hadn't done much strength in a while so I'm dreading/looking forward to the impending soreness.

I'm ready to get the numbers on the scale moving again - and in the right direction.  My starting weight for this round of weight loss was 266.  I was able to consistently lose about 10 lbs per month for the first 6 months but several things have thrown me off in the past month and a half - my divorce and money stuff, a girls weekend trip to Chicago, a family reunion, etc. etc.  So I've only lost 2-3 lbs in the last few weeks.  I'm hovering around 204 and really itching to make it to ONE-derland!

So I've started tracking my food online again.   I've started focusing on eating real whole foods, local and organic when possible.  And I'm rededicating myself to exercise.  Even thinking about another attempt at a Couch to 5K.  I'm a wannabe runner.  The best I can do so far is a slow jog for one or two miles on a good day.  Maybe taking up running will add a new excitement and new goals to my weight loss efforts.

It keeps changin' fast.

He was born in the summer of his 27th year

Coming home to a place he's never been before

I thought about this John Denver lyric tonight (I'm admittedly a big JD fan) and how it relates to my life.  This is the summer of my 27th year and in some ways I do feel like I'm coming home to a place I've never been before.  Not in the physical sense, but in the sense that my life is changing in so many ways right now and I'm not quite sure where it will end up taking me.  Although I'm feeling optimistic that the "places" I am going in life are going to be great.  I am excited to uncover/create/find out more about this "new me" - hence the name of the blog: the new Michele.

Who am I? What are all these changes?

I am a newly-single mother of a nearly-2 year old boy, Vincent.  <Insert all the cliches that loving parents say about their children here because they all apply.>  He is absolutely my world.  And very very adorable.  Of course parenthood is a never-ending barrage of changes in itself, but the biggest change is my new single parent status.  I hope not to be a single parent for too many years, but I am relegated to that roll for the time being at least.  Fortunately I have a wonderful support network of family (I live with my incredibly supportive and wonderful parents) and friends (near and far) so I know I will never be lonely and hopefully I won't be too overwhelmed most of the time.

I am a student/teacher-in-training.  I'm currently halfway through a Master of Arts in Teaching program for Elementary Education.  In 10 months I should be graduating and hopefully getting my first teaching job.  The thought of this is both exhilarating and incredibly daunting.  

I am also in the midst of my 3rd (I think) serious weight-loss attempt.  I am planning on this being my last attempt at losing a very large amount of weight.  Like many people I have been overweight my entire life.  Shortly after high school graduation I lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 80 pounds and over the following years regained all of it and more.  On December 10, 2008 I began using Sparkpeople and successfully lost 120 lbs in 10 months - from about 304 lbs to 184 lbs.  In October of 2009 I became pregnant with Vincent and regained about 60 of those pounds back and then added a few more pounds post-partum as well.  On December 8, 2011 I joined the YMCA and their weight loss support group/class and since then I have lost about 62 lbs through exercise and healthy eating.  I hope to lose about 60 more.

So what is this blog about?

I'm not exactly sure.  Anything and everything, I suppose.  One of my main topics will of course be my weight loss and my journey to a healthier lifestyle, but I don't want to limit it to just a weight-loss blog.  So my plan for the time being is just to chronicle/share about my life and the journeys that I am on and let the blog go in whichever direction(s) it may.